Turning 45

I thought that I was going to cry all year last year because that was the year that I was going to be officially old. I was turning 45!!! I can’t believe that I am 45 now. HOW????

I am still not sure how I feel now that I am 45.  I mean I do think it’s old hahaha but I don’t feel old and boring. I still wear whatever I want to wear. I still go out from time to time cause I mean I am 45, not dead. The only difference is that I don’t go to every party anymore because of course at most parties the crowd is much younger. I remember being at a festival and I heard Miss (and my last name) THE HORROR!! It was a pupil of mine. I decided right there and then that I am never going to this particular festival anymore. The person I am as a teacher and outside of school are two different people. I dress differently and I have a few cocktails here and there. There is no need for them to see me like that.  

Luckily for me, I live in a city where there are a few parties for us “older” people.  I can’t imagine not going out dancing anymore and listening to music whilst having a nice cocktail with my friends. I am sure it’s going to happen one day but not yet. Warning this post is going to be a little all over the place because I was in a rambling mood. This will be part one of my thoughts on being 45 years old. I will be listing a few of these thoughts below. 

Social Media

Social media can be terrible but it also has its benefits. Remember when we were young (and maybe you are still young when you are reading this) we used to think that our mom’s 40+-year-old friends were old!! They looked old, dressed old, and thought old. I am sorry if you are one of my mom’s friends by the way cause I now realize that you weren’t old at all. 

Anyway, thanks to social media we now get to see women in their thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, and even seventies who are living their best lives. So this makes me less sad at this whole getting older thing.

In this post, I want to talk about how turning 45 feels and how I think about a few things. I will add a short list below. I say short but we all know by now that these posts are never really short 

Kids:

When you become older and especially when you are a woman people always ask so when are you having kids, don’t you want kids? They also like to add this part for a little bit of spice. Who is going to take care of you when you get older or aren’t you lonely without kids? I don’t have kids and I don’t want to have kids. I just deleted the part where I had a whole explanation as to why I don’t want them and thought nope why should I explain in such detail? It’s my decision and that’s it. I will give you the short version. I just love my freedom and that I can do whatever I want whenever I want without having the responsibility of another human being. I love kids ( I just don’t want any of my own) and I especially love hanging with my 4-year-old nephew. We do so many fun things and I spend most of my money on him cause he is the cutest and he is my best friend. To sum this part up let’s also remember that there are people who want kids but can’t have them and I think comments about why people don’t have kids or don’t want to have kids should stop. Drink your water and mind your business. By the way, I am not talking about you (my readers) I am talking about the people that I sometimes encounter. I am happy that the people who are close to me respect my decision. 

What to wear

Whatever the hell you want!! The end! Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!! 

Insecurities 

The older I got the less insecure I got about for example my body. I always compared myself to my friends or my sister. These women are GORGEOUS and I always felt less gorgeous. Not their fault at all and this was/is most definitely a ME problem. They always told me I was beautiful but I never believed them because I just felt ugly. My mom used to tell me I was gorgeous all the time too. This woman thought her daughters were supermodels hahaha I love her for that! I just didn’t see myself as beautiful. Once I turned 40 I started to believe that I looked good and felt more secure about who I am. These insecurities also came from certain relationships but that will be in another post. I am slowly but surely starting to believe that I am gorgeous but why did it take me so long? I sometimes feel bad that I wasn’t confident back in my younger years so again if you are younger than I am stop comparing yourself to other people and don’t wait to feel pretty and confident only when you get older. You miss out on so much. 

Saying the word NO!

There are a few things that I do care less about. If I don’t feel like doing something or going somewhere I just don’t do it or I don’t go. I am done with doing stuff just to make someone else not feel bad. If people around you don’t understand the word no and they feel some type of way of you saying no to them well that’s a problem and not yours. I used to always make so many excuses and I am done with that.

I was always the one to make sure everybody is happy. I stopped doing that when I turned 40. My friends were always telling me to stop worrying about what other people might think and you know what they were right! Too bad this is also one of those things that are on my list of WHYYYYYY DIDN’T I DO THIS BEFORE??? I should have been like this even in my twenties. We should remind ourselves that no is a valid answer without any explanation. 

End of ramble 

By the way, this post took me three days to write. I started and then deleted a lot of it and even now whilst reading it over it feels like I am rambling a lot but I do hope that it was ok and that it made some sense

Let me know how you feel about getting older and if you see any differences. Are you a different person and do you have different thoughts about things?

I do hope you enjoyed my post about the big 45 and I am here to tell you that getting older is ok. You are as old as you feel and I will forever be 28 in my mind  So here is to turning 28 for the next 45 years!